I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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