As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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