bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
