I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
