You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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