Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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