does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i think i have two assholes
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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