There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
