My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
