i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
