Need sex. Gaining weight.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
