he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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