Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
