we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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