i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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