sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
