i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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