Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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