Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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