2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The air was thick with penises
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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