I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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