it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
