the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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