Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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