i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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