if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There's always time for handjobs
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
