Hey man sorry I got all grabby
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
