Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My first STD was from a foam party
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
