I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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