why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
