Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
