holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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