he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
