He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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