Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
