biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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