Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Randomize
