So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
