Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I didn't notice because vodka
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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