The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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