god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
