I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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