It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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