Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
