9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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