i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
