I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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