It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
