Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
