thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
